So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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