Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
