Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
