god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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