some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
