Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
