You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
