I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
