Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
