So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
