The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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