the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
