FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
