I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
