No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
