If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
