Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
