peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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