I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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