I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
