Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
