I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
