Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
