Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
