Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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