My friends, they love my intelligence
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
