So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize