jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
