It's like God shit irony all over that family
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
