listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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