and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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