She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
