it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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