you would pick up someone in the library
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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