My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
