ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize