im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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