i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
