i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
