Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize