your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The uberlube is also flammable
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
