I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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