I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
