this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
