It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
