my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
