It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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