my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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