I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
