Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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