my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
