My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The adults are the big ones right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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