She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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