You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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