You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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