I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
