I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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