I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
