U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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