Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
