She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize