if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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