and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
