I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
