I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
