He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize