just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
there is glitter all over my balls
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