They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
