ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
