So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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