he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize