the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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