I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
