You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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